Auckland Divorce Lawyer Tips If You Have A Reluctant Partner
Are You Emotionally Out Of Your Marriage?
A common challenge in divorce is the discrepancy in emotional readiness between partners. By the time one person expresses a desire for divorce, they may have already emotionally disengaged long before, often for a significant period of time. Below, an Auckland divorce lawyer, shows how this might play out.
Even if you are already out of the relationship, your partner is reluctant to divorce, so you need to think about how they are likely to feel. Remember, this desire for a divorce may be a complete shock for them. If you want the divorce to go smoothly with as little heartache as possible, considering their feelings will indicate the likely progress of the legal work. This will also include the splitting of the joint assets, and how the children will be cared for going forward.
With a typical divorce, let’s call the wife Susan. Few people would have known it but she was very unhappy in her marriage. The not been any domestic violence or other untoward actions, or abuse. Her husband had simply grown apart and paid her very little attention. She wanted to get out of the relationship as soon as possible.
During a mediation session with an Auckland divorce lawyer, the husband expressed feeling overwhelmed and disbelief at the situation. The discussion became difficult as he struggled to cope with the legal process, indicating a different emotional state than Susan.
He is contemplating the future of his relationship with the children, how he will manage on his own, and what his retirement will entail. He is experiencing shock and struggling to comprehend why she is leaving him. It should be noted that he has remained faithful throughout their marriage and has always provided for their family, resulting in a high standard of living.
Her partner, Rob, struggled with the legal discussions and soon became overwhelmed. He questions Susan’s intentions and suggests they could have worked things out if she had talked to him. Susan becomes upset because she wants everything to be resolved so she can begin a new life.
Susan sees the legal process as a done deal. She has already grieved the end of her relationship with Rob. She has considered how to leave, the impact on their children, and financial stability. She is looking at new properties and planning her future without him. Rob meanwhile, is still processing the hurt by this sudden upheaval in his settled life.
How To Deal With The Divorce Process
To get a better reaction from your partner, you need to allow them some time to process the juggernaut that has hit them emotionally. Acknowledging your partner’s struggle, even if it causes frustration, is an important aspect to consider, but will enable a faster resolution.
To further expedite the proceedings, given few people have skills or experience of handling a good divorce, look for a divorce coach. They can guide you and / or your partner through the process. This might be something as simple as having a schedule of meetings where only one topic is discussed and agreed. In this way, the bite-sized chunks, are often easier to handle for the aggrieved partner, instead of a huge overload of issues thrown at them.
Your coach will discuss some potential reactions from your spouse to each topic you are going to address. By doing this, you can be prepared for their response with your own pre-determined reaction to that, but also, you will be able to ease the situation for them rather than having a highly charged response.
Auckland Divorce Lawyer – Tips For A Better Divorce
In summary, here are five tips for a better divorce.
- Allow your partner the opportunity to respond in their own manner.
- When supporting a grieving partner, it is important to remain non-reactive to their comments and allow them to process their emotions.
- It is possible to continue advancing the process despite having to decrease the speed.
- Ensure that your partner has the necessary assistance.
- Adjust the pace of paperwork to match their capabilities, rather than imposing your own preferred pace.
If you are considering separating from your partner, but have not yet broached the topic with them, talk to a divorce coach for advice. Even better, find an Auckland divorce lawyer who is also a coach. Adrianne McLean at Reset Coach, is a divorce lawyer with 20 year’s experience and also provides coaching through the process. https://www.resetcoach.co.nz/